Presence

Welcome to the Inner Edge, where I explore insights on wealth, fulfillment, growth, and mastery.

Happy Holidays.

Today's going to be a Christmas edition. I already know this is going to be a messy one.

It will be my attempt to write out all that I've been experiencing and what I've come to learn from it.

Let's start with becoming "the one."

What does that mean?

I have constant battles between myself whether I want to be the best to achieve something or to know myself.

I'm still figuring it out.

When I was in high school, I used to enjoy goofing around a lot. Now I find myself being the complete opposite.

I wonder why that change came.

It's almost like something switched inside of me to appreciate the finiteness of life.

And it's strange, right? Isn't this all just a big joke? All of it? We're all going to die anyway.

Yet it's so interesting how we never think of it. We push it off like we'd rather avoid it. We think it will happen to everyone but us.

And what happens? Life happens.

We get sucked into the next thing.

When I was a baby, I enjoyed playing with toys. When I was a kid, I enjoyed riding around on my bike. When I was a teenager, I enjoyed playing basketball.

I wonder what I will enjoy next.

I wonder if that is true enjoyment.

What is the most eternal form of enjoyment there is? Where can I find that?

I find myself asking this daily.

Why is it that I have to lead the same life again and again?

My motivation to build a business came because I wanted freedom. The freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted, with who I wanted.

But is that all?

Isn't that enough to make you fully content?

I'm not sure.

The days sure do feel more fulfilling when I dictate them, though.

It may seem strange to sleep early and work all day when you can do anything else.

And yes, I should probably go get out there and travel more. Meet more people, enjoy my youth. I know.

At the same time, it's been great knowing I can be here enjoying my own company and having so much fun along the way.

Aren't I destined to be that way when I'm about to die?

I sound very morbid. That's not the point.

What is the point? I'm not sure. But just being present in life is so darn awesome.

Chasing goals sure is also super fun. Going after my dreams, building something cool—those are all super fun to do.

Loving people is fun, and so is giving to people. The best days are where you can send holiday gifts to everyone you work with.

It's also beautiful to tell people how much they matter to you. You never know when the last time will be.

But even that doesn't seem like the end all.

There has to be more.

A permanence among all the impermanence.

What is it?

I'm figuring it out. It's my own being. It's all within me. It was always within me.

Why do I want more money? It started with wanting people to treat me a certain way.

Why? Maybe I'd be more respected?

What does that lead to? Opportunities? Status? Probably.

I might feel that to a certain extent right now. Maybe my writing is biased.

Ultimately, I want to feel a certain way.

This will help me be more loved.

Is that what I'm looking for?

How can you receive love without all this?

Through yourself?

We all have infiniteness inside of us. I think that's what I believe. I don't know if it's true or not. I believe it to be true. It's all inside us.

We are all.

I think that's what I feel.

I am pure presence.