The Lonely Road of Doing Your Own Thing

Welcome to the Inner Edge, where I explore insights on wealth, fulfillment, growth, and mastery.

There’s a story I recently read.

If you step off a laid out path for you, what’s next?

From a young age, school and college have guided you.

You knew exactly what to do and when to do it.

But what happens when you step off that path?

What happens when you want to build your own path?

It’s not just hard.

It’s isolating.

You wake up every day with no guide, no assignments and no deadlines.

It’s just a never-ending list of things you think you should be doing.

And the worst part?

Most people assume you have it all figured out.

The Moment I Left the Traditional Path

I didn’t have a great college experience.

By my second semester, COVID hit, and everything changed overnight.

No more in-person classes.

Just a bunch of optional Zoom calls and assignments from a laptop.

Most people around me were devastated, but I was secretly relieved.

For the first time, I had the freedom to structure my days however I wanted.

No more forced lectures or sitting in classrooms.

I had time to work on things that actually interested me and I thought that was a gift.

But what I didn’t realize was how hard it actually is to carve your own path.

There was no roadmap anymore.

No one assigned me anything. No one checked my progress.

It was just me, trying to figure out what to do next.

Enter Unconscious Incompetence.

The 4 Stages of Competence

Every person who builds something from scratch goes through four stages:

1) Unconscious Incompetence – You don’t know what you don’t know. (Everything seems easy because you have no idea how hard the game is)

2) Conscious Incompetence – You realize how much you don’t know. (Reality hits and you realize you’re delusional)

3) Conscious Competence – You start learning, but every move takes effort. (You can execute but it’s not second nature yet)

4) Unconscious Competence – You do it effortlessly. (Everything just flows)

When I was first planning my “ideal life,” I was in Unconscious Incompetence.

I had no clue how lonely or hard anything would be.

I assumed everything would work out because I was willing to put in the work.

But then Conscious Incompetence hit.

And suddenly, I realized: holy crap, this is way harder than I thought.

But here’s the thing: you gotta push past it. Most people don’t.

They quit as soon as they touch Conscious Incompetence.

But the rewards of pushing past are so much greater.

Through college I passed through the Unconscious Incompetence phase of creating content because I loved it so much. It was that fun for me to do.

When things are enjoyable (even when not seeing results), you tend to treat work like play.

And that, I think, is one secret to pushing through the phases.

4 Pillars of a Fulfilling Career

Harvard Professor Arthur C. Brooks talks about what makes work deeply fulfilling:

✔ Earning Success – Feeling like your hard work is rewarded.
✔ Meaning & Purpose – Believing your work contributes to something greater.
✔ Enjoyment – Actually liking what you do.
✔ Service to Others – Knowing your work benefits people.

By the time I graduated college, I had built a massive social media following.

But over time, I began chasing vanity metrics. And the 4 pillars started slowly disappearing.

I was trying to optimize for views, clicks, and promotions.

These were things that had no real meaning.

So I pivoted and started a business.

I started my business thinking:

• This will be easier than people make it seem.

• I already have marketing skills from content—I’ll land clients no problem.

• Entrepreneurs are highly respected. I want that life.

Classic Unconscious Incompetence once again.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

But it got me excited, and that’s what mattered.

The Hardest Part of the Journey

Starting the business felt so easy. I landed clients fast and things were amazing.

I didn’t realize it was because of my great marketing skills and sucky fulfillment.

Things were great… until they weren’t.

I had no systems in place to deliver results. After all, that’s what a business does.

And things fell apart.

Just like that, I was back at ground zero.

And this time, the lesson hit hard.

Holy crap. This is harder than I thought.

For the last year, I’ve been grinding through Conscious Incompetence.

1) Figuring out what I didn’t know.

2) Learning how to improve.

And finally, I started reaching Conscious Competence.

And this is where I’ve found more loneliness starts to creep in.

Because you realize:

Dang no one else can give me the answers anymore. I’ve got to grind my own way through this.

People can guide you and maybe share what worked for them.

But apart from that?

You’re on your own.

The Invisible Progress Principle

James Clear talks about The Plateau of Latent Potential.

I want you to imagine an ice cube sitting at 25°F.

What happens when you raise the temperature to 26°F… then 27°F… then 28°F?

Nothing.

But what happens when you hit 32°F?

The ice melts.

That’s the thing. The effort you put in at 25, 26, 27°F wasn’t wasted at all.

It was just building up to the breakthrough.

And success works the same exact way.

What if you quit at 29°F? You wouldn’t have even known that you were so close.

I felt like quitting when I lost my biggest client.

But if you keep going, you’ll eventually hit 32°F.

The Proximity Effect

When you’re on the lonely road of success, one of the biggest realizations is this:

You become a product of the people and inputs around you.

And that’s what makes it even more lonely.

The Proximity Effect states that your environment shapes your beliefs, habits, and trajectory.

Whether you realize it or not.

And when you step off the traditional path getting extremely clear on where your energy goes.

Because you have nothing dictating it anymore.

At first, it’s easy to let it scatter everywhere. I’ve been there and done that.

But then you get more clear on where your energy is highest, and spend your finite time there.

After all, you don’t have all the time in the world.

It sure does feel like it at 23 years old though.

3 Levels of the Proximity Effect

🔴 1. The Default Zone – You absorb whatever is around you.

• Your mindset is being programmed by whatever is around you: your friends, tv, sports, news etc.

• If you’re surrounded by negativity or small thinking, it’s pretty hard to break free because you don’t even realize it.

🟡 2. The Selective Zone – You begin curating what influences you.

• You start to distance yourself from distractions and get clearer on what brings up your energy.

• You start to align with mentors, books and content that elevate your thinking.

🟢 3. The Intentional Zone – You actively build your own environment.

• You surround yourself with mentors, peers and thought leaders.

• You create a system where growth is inevitable.

• Your energy is the highest it’s ever been and you can feel the difference.

None of the things above are inherently wrong.

The problem arises when you are unconsciously drowning in things that drain your energy.

But here’s the problem: when we do them unconsciously.

We don’t realize when they start draining our energy instead of fueling us.

And I’ve been there. You don’t notice it—until you do.

At some point, you start asking yourself:

1) Where is my time actually going?
2) Who am I spending energy on that isn’t aligned with my future?
3) What would my life look like if I was fully intentional with every moment?

That’s when you start shifting into the Intentional Zone.

And suddenly, you feel it:

• Your energy is the highest it’s ever been.

• Your work starts compounding.

• You move with clarity and not distraction.

Because now, you’re actually designing your life.

And that’s why it can get “lonely”.

But read on…

Die With Zero

In the book Die With Zero, Bill Perkins writes about time in a really beautiful way:

He talks about how we often obsess over money, but time is the real wealth.

Yet most people spend their time like it’s infinite.

They put off the things that matter.

But what if you had just 1 week to live?

How would you spend your time differently?

And no one wants to realize too late that they spent years on things that didn’t truly matter.

I’m not saying you need to live every day like you have a week left. Because that’s impractical.

You still need to work (among other things) and do things that will lead to future success.

But once in a while, it’s good to reassess this to make sure you are spending time on the things that matter most.

The Hardest Part of the Lonely Road

When you’re shifting from Level 1 to Level 2, it feels like losing a part of yourself.

And it’s tough because no one warns you that this will happen.

But here’s the truth:

1) Your journey will attract those who are meant to be in your life.

2) You don’t have to force it. You just have to keep moving forward.

What No One Tells You About Success

Carving your own path is lonely.

But here’s what I haven’t mentioned…

It’s also fulfilling.

Because you’re actually living with your whole heart.

It’s messy. But it’s your mess.

And that’s what makes it so awesome.

Every day feels like a new adventure, and that itself is so worth the uncertainty of it all.

So whether you want to start a project, build a business, or just do something that’s yours…

Remember this:

No one has it figured out.

No one.

The best you can do is listen to your heart and follow where it pulls you.

And if you fail?

Then learn.

Try again.

And eventually something clicks.

That’s how every great thing in the world is built.

By people who had no idea what they were doing—until they did.